"Flames & One-Liners 1998" updated Apr 10, 1998
(last update of this file until after the World Cup)

Subject: Re: WC98 PREDICTIONS-Repost
Date: 07 Jan 1998 14:46:45 +0100
From: Steve Jones (jon@bach.eurocontrol.fr)

robertc@ihug.co.nz (Robert Chapman) writes:
> > Nice try Rob.  Oceania went from 0.25 spots (needing to win two
> > playoffs) to 0.50 spots (only one playoff), a 100% increase!
> A 100% increase suggests they have twice as many teams at the WC as before!

They have infinitely more, or less places in the WC finals depending on
how you look at it.  Or of course it has stayed the same.

Today's Sesame street was brought to you by the letter A and the numbers
0 and Aleph 1.

Subject: Re: Alan Rothenburg's Ideas
Date: 08 Jan 1998 16:47:05 +0100
From: Steve Jones (jon@bach.eurocontrol.fr)

> "I think football should take a much more vigorous look at this and
> experiment more with rule changes," said Rothenburg

Here is a bloke who would suggest full-contact chess.

Subject: Re: A Proposal to divide Rec.Sport.Soccer
Date: 19 Jan 1998 19:05:19 GMT
From: dustinc@nortel.ca (Dustin Christmann)

Huw Morris wrote:
>Markian wrote:
>> One step further and you can have everybody's own specialised newsgroup :
>> Eg.
>> rec.sport.soccer.riffster
>Will me and Colin have to share a group?

No, but you and Steve Jones will.

It'll be rec.sport.soccer.english.irrelevant.baggies-n-wolves.

Subject: Re: A Proposal to divide Rec.Sport.Soccer
Date: 20 Jan 1998 13:57:05 +0100
From: Steve Jones (jon@bach.eurocontrol.fr)

Hey ? I thought the Wolves and Baggies stuff was the _only_ relevant
stuff on the group :-)

I've come up with a theory about some of the posters, they are in fact
University (College for our American viewers) AI projects, thus
deserve their own group.


(it's too worrying to think that there may be _people_ on RSS who fail the
 Turing test)

And of course another group just for me to argue in


This being the only group in the hooliganism heirachy.

Subject: Re: Norway WC
Date: Thu, 22 Jan 1998 00:11:57 GMT
From: paul@i8acorns.demon.co.uk (Paul Louis)

Steinar Storholt (stoerhol@online.no) wrote:
>I think the chances for Norway to win the WC will be about 50 percent.

Methinks there's a decimal point missing there, somewhere.

Subject: Re: Was the Euro 2000 draw fixed?
Date: 27 Jan 1998 03:07:43 GMT
From: dustinc@nortel.ca (Dustin Christmann)

Granitza (granitza@aol.com) wrote:
>Does anyone else wonder why Poland always gets an impossible draw while
>Scotland gets a relative easy path? 

Once upon a time, when confronted by an Iowa State football schedule that was
allegedly one of the toughest in the nation, a wise man spoke true brilliance:

"When you suck, every schedule is tough."

I think that applies here.

Subject: Re: ESPN "Goals of the Year"
Date: Tue, 27 Jan 1998 03:43:32 GMT
From: kstuart@jps.net (Ken Stuart)

It turns out that the goals were selected by the USA national team! 

Since they almost never dribble, it made sense that they didn't select any goals
of the sort where someone like Gazza, Giggs, Zidane or Ronaldo runs across the
length of the field, eluding many defenders, and scores.

The problem with the USA team is that they play as if they were playing foosball
(ie table soccer) where they are stuck in one place, and the only way to change
the location of the ball is to kick it to someone else.

Subject: Demoted or relegated ?
Date: 28 Jan 1998 13:41:39 +0100
From: Steve Jones (jon@bach.eurocontrol.fr)

Okay folks a stray thought crossed my cranium, and that thought was this:

"Teams are _pro_moted but not _de_moted"

Why do we use the term relegated ?

(And side notes, is a team that is neither promoted or relegated a _moted_
 team ?  And wouldn't re-legated imply that the first time it happens
you get legated ?)

Subject: Re: Demoted or relegated ?
Date: Wed, 28 Jan 1998 14:09:42 -0600
From: Stan collins (scollins@trinity.edu)

I don't know, ask the disgruntled fans of a relegated team whether they can
remember the time they were "gruntled."

Subject: Re: Demoted or relegated ?
Date: 29 Jan 1998 18:53:43 GMT
From: "Chris Applegate" (s.applegatex@virgin.net)

"Gruntled" was an old word for being pissed off, and the old English,
oblivious to the double negative, coined "Disgruntled" with the "Dis" to
make it even worse. I think.

How about defenders/offenders? We never hear if players as offending, but
as attacking.

Subject: Re: Demoted or relegated ?
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 1998 13:35:28 -0600
From: Stan collins (scollins@trinity.edu)

Having seen Lassiter play on the national side, I would describe his play
more as "offending" than "attacking."

Subject: Re: Anti-Dutch rant (was: Same old cabbage)
Date: 29 Jan 1998 10:01:47 GMT
From: stokkerm@cosy.sbg.ac.at (Karel Stokkermans)

Stig Oppedal writes:
> > [snip Latin expression about art]
> So, what's Latin for: "If you saw it in the waste basket you
> wouldn't give it a second thought"?


Subject: Re: Inter's end of a dream...
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 1998 22:12:41 GMT
From: Snaps@kavana.u-net.com (Snaps)

Benny wrote:
>Who wins award for best diver? Ronaldo, Djorkaeff, Inzaghi, Del Piero? In
>this category the competition is really fierce.

You can't be regarded a good diver until you win the European Cup, so it
has to be Del Piero. Right Benny?

Subject: Re: Question about Spanish terms
Date: 30 Jan 1998 05:56:04 GMT
From: marcelo@fc.hp.com (Marcelo Weinberger)

Roger Hernandez (TRMG60A@prodigy.com) wrote:

: A "volante" is a midfielder. And "de contencion" means one whose
: specialty is defense....contencion as in "to contain."

Actually, "volante de contencion" is a euphemism for a midfielder that
has neither ball skills nor vision.

Subject: Re: High Scoring is MADNESS
Date: 5 Feb 1998 13:27:00 -0500
From: whg@acpub.duke.edu (WILLIAM GAY)

Steve Jones wrote:
>Interesting point, so if we awarded 10 points for a goal would
>Americans spot the difference ?

I dunno.  They effectively award 3 points for a goal in Italy.
Ask them if they noticed.

Subject: Re: England, Italy and Brazil top in my WorldCup-Pool
Date: 10 Feb 1998 16:07:37 +0100
From: Steve Jones (jon@bach.eurocontrol.fr)

"Marco Soeima" (mop43524@mail.telepac.pt) writes:

Marco raise your right hand, face its palm towards you...

> Paul Louis wrote:
[snip Re: Klinsmann]
> > If he takes a long time and so doesn't make
> > the squad, they've got a very good chance.
> I disagree. I think Germany have a better chance without Klinsmann.

Now accelerate the palm of the hand towards your forehead, as they
make contact shout the word "DOH!" very loudly.

Sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind :-)

Subject: Re: USA 0 Brazil 2 : Keller gave the game away
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 1998 15:57:38 GMT
From: aland@lightspeed.bc.ca (Alan Douglas)

Steve Jones wrote:
> PASSDBALL@webtv.net (richard brown) writes:
> >
> > you are a fucking stupid idiot arent you
>Damn I feel old, I remember the days back in 1990 when we didn't even
>worry about AOLers.  Now we've got WebTVers.
>What the hell is next ? Can people any more stupid actually type ?

Just wait till we get webtv with voice recognition:


Wad you know boat soccer you dumb ass I think a lucky lull ass is the
greatest player in the wood even iffy does have a stupid red goat E.
New lion

I think that Brazilian Ron dildo is a big bald dink and he bill did
you feed the cat shup up Emma I'm on the web the cat looks hungry bill
shut up about the god dam cat shit my message is ruined how do I back
up back space no shit delete dam it what is the problem deer I have to
fix the dam massage before I tell it to

Message sent
[insert your name here for signature]

Subject: Re: Stuck up Europeans
Date: 17 Feb 1998 15:34:50 +0100
From: Steve Jones (jon@bach.eurocontrol.fr)

Craig McDowall (mcdowc@tetraworld.com.NOSPAM) writes:

> Eh - that would be Scotland - but what's Dolly the Sheep got to do with
> football.

Its part of the diabolical plan to clone Gazza that is currently
being hatched at the Scottish FA :-) This is also the reason that
Rangers just wanted Ronaldo to "visit" them during the possible
transfer talks. Why Gordon Banks has been offered a "free" holiday
in the Highlands, why Gerd Muller has been tricked into talks with
a tartan manufacturer.  Initial tests however don't look good, for
before there was Dolly the Sheep there was John McGinlay, meant to
be a meld between Puschas and Muller, and indeed he was he has the
belly of Pushcas and the ability outside the box of Muller.

Its a plot I tell you a plot :-)

Subject: Re: Germany's on-again, off-again relationship with Mickey
Date: 20 Feb 1998 17:13:50 GMT
From: stokkerm@cosy.sbg.ac.at (Karel Stokkermans)

Bruce Scott writes:

> You're quite right, Karel... the nucleus of Germany is in fact FC Bayern
> München :-)

Of course.  It's very convenient that the two most despicable teams in the
universe are virtually undistinguishable :-).  (Of course, the number of
players in the German team that were actually developed by Bayern hardly

Subject: Re: Where the Mob Rules: L.A. Coliseum
Date: 23 Feb 1998 11:43:44 +0100
From: Steve Jones (steve.jones@eurocontrol.fr)

purcell@Canine.CAD.UCLA.EDU (Ed Purcell) writes:
>      There is a place in the good ol' U.S. of A. where anarchy reigns. Where
> the mob rules. Where no known authority can protect the good of the innocent
> minority.

A Christian Coalition Convention ?

Subject: Zagallo gallantly fights on
Date: 26 Feb 1998 00:49:00 -0700
From: mazzare@primenet.erase2mail.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)

A tv station in Brasil carried out a survey after Brasil's performance in the
Gold Cup and about 70% of the respondents asked for another DT.

Zagallo defiantly responded that his critics would have to resign themselves
and applaud when the brasucas win the world cup in France.

The Fossilho has a point, of course. Anybody that can take a squad that
performed at the level of Brasil in the Gold Cup into a World Cup tournament
and win it deserves everlasting applause.

Subject: Re: Zagallo gallantly fights on
Date: Thu, 26 Feb 1998 03:49:05 -0500
From: Alex Mizuki (gt7290b@prism.gatech.edu)

And a glorious Gold Cup performance it was.  Almost as wonderful
as the Argie Copa America 97 campaign:

        Peru B          2
        Argentina  B    1  (don't cry for me ... ArgBWAHAHAHA!!!)

A sad little quarterfinal elimination.  Oh well, at least you made
the final 8.... shit, I forgot!  there are only 10 teams!  well...
you're better than Venezuela!

Just for reference, this is how the same Peruvian team was eliminated:

        Brasil A        7
        Peru B          0

One of my favorite jokes comes to mind:

Q:  What's the most lucrative investment known to man?

A:  Buy an Argentino for what he's worth and sell him for what
    he thinks he's worth!

Subject: Re: Israel vs Poland [R]
Date: Thu, 26 Feb 1998 09:35:32 -0800
From: Colin Morris (cmorris@infoscape.com)

RPP wrote:
> as I said, i put no stock in friendlies.

If you follow Poland, I guess it helps not to put stock in any type of

Subject: Re: The US will never be a great team until....
Date: 1 Mar 1998 06:28:00 -0700
From: mazzare@primenet.erase2mail.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)

Karel Stokkermans dixit:
> > [no mountains -> no British success at the Winter Olympics]
>Well, your hills certainly are higher than those in the Netherlands,
>and we were sixth in the medal standings, so that's hardly an excuse...

Say, if you are a geographer and you want to find the highest peak in the
Netherlands, do you require any tool other than a shovel?

Subject: Re: Boksic, the best striker on the world
Date: 9 Mar 1998 18:14:35 GMT
From: stokkerm@cosy.sbg.ac.at (Karel Stokkermans)

Huw Morris writes:

> dany_jan@hotmail.com wrote:
> > At the moment, Lazio is the best team in the best championship.

> You mis-spelt "Kaiserslauten". Hope that helps.

I don't think it does.  First of all, it's 1.FC Kaiserslautern (note
how the Germans always manage to squeeze in one more consonant in their
nouns than one would think possible).

Subject: Re: Boksic, the best striker on the world
Date: 10 Mar 1998 20:06:04 GMT
From: stokkerm@cosy.sbg.ac.at (Karel Stokkermans)

kcabral@freenet.columbus.oh.us (Kevin Cabral) writes:

> > And you don't want to know what NAC (Breda, Netherlands) stands for.

> Oh, but I do. After all, we have a Euro-Yank playing there.

NOAD Advendo Combinatie.  A merger of NOAD and Advendo.  Where NOAD stood
for Nooit Opgeven Altijd Doorgaan (Never Resign, Always Keep on going).
And Advendo for Aangenaam door vermaak en nuttig door ontspanning (hard
to translate, but "pleasant through pleasure and useful through relaxation"
comes close enough).

Subject: Re: Ronaldo Assis
Date: 10 Mar 1998 23:11:01 -0700
From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)

1visitor@pop.rio.nutecnet.com.br dixit:
>Ronaldo, named by some "Assis", to avoid confusion with Inter Milan's.
>Reportedly, young Ronaldo is the greatest talent revealed by Gremio's
>youth divisions ever since Renato Gaucho.

Now wait a second. Renato? The Renato that had a torrid love affair with
Lazaroni in the wc90 buildup? The least talented brasuca that I have ever
seen (yes, I'm including pickup games at the park)? The big klutz that would
have been ejected from, say, Scotland because of a general lack of skills?

If Ronaldo 2.0 is being compared with that Renato, I would recommend to the
boy that he stay in school and forget about futbol.

Subject: Re: Argentina-Bulgaria [R]
Date: Wed, 11 Mar 1998 13:08:45 -0800
From: "Luiz M. Franca-Neto" (franca@leland.Stanford.EDU)

Marcelo Weinberger wrote:
> It's amazing how Passarella tries everyone that plays in Europe while
> completely ignoring the local championship.

Try Lampini and Caginni (Lampinho's and Cagao's alter egos
playing in Cordoba and Rosario).

Subject: What a difference 4 months make...
Date: Mon, 23 Mar 1998 00:02:42 GMT
From: paul@i8spamacorns.demon.co.uk (Paul Louis)

11th November, 1997: England have drawn with Italy in Rome, Man U have
beaten Juve. The Premier League is clearly the best league in the World
and England will win the World Cup without breaking into a sweat.

18th March, 1998: England have been beaten by Chile, Man U are knocked
out of the Champion's League by Monaco. English players have no skill
and England will go out in the first round of the World Cup.

And all this in the space of just over 4 months. Amazing, really.

Subject: Re: English football, just not good enough?
Date: 25 Mar 1998 10:45:28 GMT
From: hmSPAMBLOCK@custard.bnsc.rl.ac.uk (Huw Morris)

chiavar@ibm.net wrote:
> When you say Spain is a two team league all I can say is: Hey, at
> least we've got two teams, what the hell do you have in the island?.

Which two teams would this be? Would it include your current league
leaders who finished bottom of their Champions League group, behind
English relegation candidates Newcastle?

Subject: Re: FA CUP Final 1872
Date: 25 Mar 1998 07:50:17 GMT
From: mongoose@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (Conrad Leviston)

> Wanderers v Royal Engineers @ the Oval, score was 1-0.

        That's what I love about the Internet. All the latest news
appearing on your screens moments after it happens. :-)

Subject: Re: Italy Team
Date: 31 Mar 1998 00:01:00 -0700
From: mazzare@primenet.erase2mail.com (Ariel Mazzarelli)

Claudio Mantelli dixit:
>1) Del Piero-Baggio couldn't work, you can't play with 2 number 10.

You *almost* won the post of the week.

Subject: Re: Fosters the anti-football lager
Date: 7 Apr 1998 01:23:50 GMT
From: dustinc@nortel.ca (Dustin Christmann)

edmundo (edmundoe@yahoo.com) wrote:
>Ever wondered why Australian soccer receives no support from Fosters?


Subject: Re: Scholes new Gazza?
Date: Tue, 07 Apr 1998 02:25:48 +1200
From: robertc@ihug.co.nz (Robert Chapman)

Ken Stuart (kstuart@jps.net) wrote:

> For this to be true, he would have to do all of the following:
> - Make perfect passes directly to the perfect place just in front of
>   streaking forwards.

This conjures up a very strange and disturbing visual picture. 

Subject: Re: Blackburn v Man Utd
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 1998 18:25:09 +0100
From: "Steve Dibnah" (ste.d@dial.pipex.com)

Brian Spence (hitman@zetnet.co.uk) wrote:
> [...] Manchester United may have the strongest squad in the Premiership
> but they are definitely the flukiest as well.

As some famous golfer once said in response to just such an allegation "It's
funny how the harder I work and the more I practice - the luckier I get."