Sep  9, 1997 	Massimo Paganin Interview (Paul Mettewie)
Oct 20, 1997	Live! ESPN "World" Series press conference (Stig Oppedal)

Subject: Re: Hey to Riffster - READ THE TRUE STORY
Date: Tue, 09 Sep 1997 22:58:43 -0500
From: Paul Mettewie 

Dustin Christmann wrote:

(whining snipped from Massimo)

> "Beating Inter on Sunday would give me great satisfaction," he said.

Dustin, you know what the Stones say.....Can't get no......satisfaction!

But seriously folks, this explosion from Paganin was in 
the works for a long, long time. He was unmercifully booed
by fans (sometimes justly, often unjustly) and then was 
benched in favor of younger players and foreigners. It was
a matter of time. In fact, I think he stayed with Bologna
on the odd chance that he could get some vengence (sometime,
anytime) against Inter. 

He is merely venting in front of the eager microphones
of the shark-like Italian press. I can see their 
almost-innocent faces now.....

The practice field at Bologna. Massimo has been posing
with his spiffy new Rossoblu uni, he stands in front of
a pack of eager reporters......

Reporter: But Massimo, we know how great a player you are...
          it must have been so difficult for you to sit on
          the bench, even for a great team like Inter.

Paganin:  Well, it wasn't easy...

Rpt: Yes, but you must have sat there just boiling inside
     with resentment and hatred. Those fans booing you when
     you did play. Every play put under the microscope and
     analyzed, all of your actions minutely examined...

Pag: Yes, it wasn't easy....

Rpt: Your wife must of been furious, your friends embarassed,
     your poor mama and papa mortified! The shame visited on
     such a deserving player! You do not deserve such infamous

Pag: You sound like my agent.....but yes it wasn't easy.

Rpt: Aren't you aching for revenge this weekend? Doesn't 
     every moment that passes closer to the game move you
     to paroxysms of vengeful hatred!?!?

Pag: Well......

Rpt: Come on, you know you are angry. I am angry just 
     hearing of this grave injustice! You must be totally

Suddenly a small figure moves quickly into the circle,
a couple of smaller reporters go flying. The larger ones
wisely make way for the new arrival.

Paganin's Wife: (whispering) The stores in Bologna have good
                food, but the clothes are strictly putana class.
                I want my Armani, I want my Via Montenapoleone,
                Massimo baby! I have been robbed of my womanhood!
                And you know how I get when I get petulant!
                Or rather, how I *don't* get!

Pag: Oh, la madonna.....oh those Inter management bastards!!! They'll
     pay for this. I will never forgive their treatment of me and
     the other Italians. This Ronaldo, he's not that tough, and 
     these other guys are being favored!

Rpt: And thank you Massimo, we've got what we need...

Pag: Wait, I'm not finished. And the way they treat players and
     their families.....

Rpt: Never mind, gotta make the first edition...see ya in the
     sports pages Massimo baby!

-Riff"Off the record? There ain't no such thing"Ster

Subject: Re: Live! ESPN "World" Series press conference (Re: Road to World Cup 98 to be repeated (in USA))
Date: Mon, 20 Oct 1997 15:17:12 +0200 
From: Stig Oppedal 

Ken Stuart  wrote:
> Just to let you know that, in the USA, the Road To World Cup 98 highlight show
> that was pre-empted by the World Series press conference tonight will be 
Say what?!?!

"Next we have a run-down of the 10 best goals so far in the France '98
World Cup Qualifying - all of them stunning classics! First, at number 
10, we have Ole Gunnar Sol---"

"We interupt 'Road To World Cup 98', brought to you in association with 
Jimmy's Truck Service - 'Jimmy's, where trucks come first' - to go live 
to Miami, Florida for a special ESPN broadcast of the World [no quotation 
marks] Series press conference, sponsored by SuperGiantCo - 'SuperGiantCo: 
looking after _your_ interests'":

"Journalist" #1 [to Cleveland Indians manager Brick Jackson]: How happy 
are you with tying the Series at 1-1 after tonight's win?

Jackson: Yeah, very happy, I mean, we went out there with a positive 
attitude, we stressed the basics of good baseball: good pitching, good 
fielding, good hitting, good running. This organization is commited to 
good baseball. Now we can go home to Cleveland [non-Ohioans, raise your 
hand if you can place it on a map] for Game 3, full of pride and buzzing 
with optimism [and, in some cases, illegal stimulants].

"Journalist" #2 [to Florida Marlins manager Jackson Brick]: Do you think 
you can still win the World [no quotation marks] Series?

Brick: Yeah. It's all mental. It's all about having a mental attitude. We 
just didn't have that mental frame, that postive overdrive, today. It'll be 
tough, but yeah, this ball club can do it. We didn't do that today. But I'll 
tell you something: my boys are all about that. That's what wins ball games. 
But not today. Not for us. For them, yeah, no doubt. That's not in question. 
Anybody who doubts it is crazy. I don't. Pitching, fielding, hitting, 
running. That's what it's about. The basics. Mom and apple pie. If we can 
do that next time, we can win. You can quote me on that.

"Journalist" #3: A recent po--

Brick: You can even make a headline out of it if you want. "Marlins Still 
In It, Says Brick". Put it on the front page! Hey, we could even swap jobs! 

"Journalist" #3: A recent poll showed that a whopping 62% of Americans 
thought that baseball was more important than Monster Truck Pulls. The 
World Series is right now _the_ biggest sporting event on the globe, with 
a world-wide audience of over 2 billion. Can you talk about how important 
tradition is to baseball?

Brick [to Jackson]: Uh, do you want to answer this..?

Jackson [to Brick]: No, you can go ahead. But first I'd like to say that 
tradition is the be-all and end-all of baseball. It's what America is 
about, it's why the rest of the world looks to America for leadership. 
This country was founded on the basic principles of baseball: organization, 
team-work, and money.

Brick: ... and good fielding.

Jackson: That goes without saying.

Brick: ... and sacrifice bunts.

Jackson: Yeah, let's not forget bunting, that's basic, too. Good bunting - 
it's like going out on a patrol and diving on a grenade to save your 
buddies. That's crucial. That's what wins ball games.

"Journalist" #4 [to Cleveland outfielder Fizz Shultzheimer]: Your fielding 
was basically top-notch, and your two-run single basically won the game for 
the Indians. Are you basically a potential Series MVP?

Shultzheimer: I don't think about that. Before the game I just prayed in 
the locker-room and asked the Lord for guidance on the field. I didn't 
focus on Fizz Shultzheimer but on what Fizz Shultzheimer could do for this 
franchise. I just concentrated on the basics: hitting, running, fielding. 
Pitching's basic too, but I'm not a pitcher, so you'll have to ask Levon 
Rodriguez about that. But, yeah, I felt the Lord was with me when I batted 
in those two runs. Hearing the crowd go wild, feeling the atmosphere as 
they chant your name - that's what it's all about.

"Journalist" #4: Uh, you were playing in Miami - the crowd basically went 

Shultzheimer: Yeah, but I was thinking about the people in Cleveland. 
They're the greatest fans in the world.

"Journalist" #5: Fizz, even if the franchise was to stay in Cleveland, 
you might not: there's talk that you're not happy with with your present 
$5 million-a-year contract.

Shultzheimer: Hey, I'm not in baseball for the money, I'm in it for the 
love of the game. I'm in it for the kids of America, I'm in it for Jesus. 
Let me tell you, whether I earn $7 million a year or $9 million, it's 
beside the point - Fizz Shultzheimer rises above it. Obviously, my stats 
are up from last season, so I think I should get what I'm worth. But 
we'll wait until after the Series to renegotiate and see where my career 
takes me from there. There's more to life than money, you know - and you 
can quote me on that.

"Journalist" #5: A follow-up question - is there any truth to the rumor 
that you're switching to a different brand of tobacco next year?

Shultzheimer: None whatsoever. I'm very happy with my sponsorship deal 
with "Pappy's Old Time Chewin' Tobacco".

"Journalist" #6 [to Marlins pitcher Burnt Rubber]: Your Dad, Bubba, was in 
the stands - was it disappointing to lose in front of him?

etc, etc, ad infinitum