May 25, 1996	Make Trophy Fast 
Nov 18, 1996	MAKE MONEY FAST

From: Ariel Mazzarelli (
Subject: Make Trophy Fast 
Date: May 25, 1996

After the recent UEFA ruling, we have reached agreements with all the major UEFA leagues, 
which entitles to make the following exclusive offer: we can deliver 11 Argentinians (Los 
Once) that will bring all the trophies your Eurocase will hold. Act now, orders will be filled for 
only one team per league (see note below). League trophy guaranteed or your money back. 
Please note that your costs will be reduced considerably if we restrict our personnel search to 
the amateur ranks.

Money-back guarantee null and void if your league officials collude corruptly to deny your 
team its well-earned trophy--you are responsible for doling out the appropriate bribes. This 
voiding clause includes the "go ahead and kick his shins he's too bloody good" school of 

On request, we can include players from Uruguay for a discount. On request, we can include 
players from Brasil, but if you need the money-back guarantee, we must pass on to you an 
85% FIFA "fair play" tax. 

Note: we cannot extend this offer to Serie A, because many of the players that we would need 
are already playing for other teams there. We can however offer to promote your team from 
Serie B to Serie A.

For the English Premier League, we are running a special offer--in addition to Los Once we 
will include a video called "What is gambeta?", guaranteed to cut down on the "what's all this 
then?" chants at your local grounds.

Colombia used this method to bring its futbol into the 20th century, and now you can do the 
same for your local team. Act now, space is limited. Principals only need apply,

CEO, Los Once Inc.

From: (Ariel Mazzarelli)
Date: 18 Nov 1996 03:07:01 -0700

For a limited time, you can substantially improve your personal financial 
standing by taking advantage of this very special opportunity. But you must 
act now before it's gone!

For many years, the indoctrination of Europeans has been carefully administered 
by UEFA. As a result, a magnificent market opportunity has developed. This 
opportunity arises on an annual basis when the Intercontinental Club 
Championship is held in Tokyo, and consists of the following simple step:


There is an added bonus in this year's tournament, as the opponent is from 
Argentina, and is playing in excellent form to boot. As is well-known, the 
one thing that an Eurocroto cannot possibly stomach is the recognition of the
overwhelming technical superiority of the players from Argentina, as they
cannot even offer up the excuse of a large population base from  which such 
talent might be drawn (e.g. Brasil). Indeed, the idea that a little country 
with the population of Espa~a can produce more good players than their whole 
continent will time and time again lead them to put their money in YOUR pocket!

When you hear a European ask "Who the hell is River anyway?", just think 
about their $$ going into your pocket and laugh!

In addition, the odds against River will be even higher than usual due to the
envy factor present in the aforementioned bulging brasuca population. Usually, 
billions of savvy brasucas are willing to go without a month's supply of 
kleenex in order to put up a few pesinhos for their representatives. When a 
team from  Argentina plays, however, no brasuca is able to support it because 
they may have to recognize (yet again) the clear superiority of the futbol 
Rioplatense. Take advantage of the inability of a brasuca to cheer for a 
Rioplatense representative, and bet with your odds undiluted by their 
influence! Take those Eurodollars and do not worry about having to share your
winnings with billions of others!

Now you may be wondering about that pesky FIFA weighing in against your 
investment in the form of the biased referee. Fortunately, this historical 
bias is less relevant in a competition such as the Intercontinental Club 
Championship, because it is a single game. In tournaments such as the World 
Cup, there are several games over which this influence may be exerted. Here,
however, not only is there but a single game to be played, but furthermore, 
the opponent is GUARANTEED not to be from Brasil. No arm-of-Tulio here! This 
thesis is further reinforced by observing that the most blatant thief at 
WC-level, England, has NEVER won the Intercontinental Club Championship. 
Imagine the fantastic odds that you might get if the fans of the Premier 
League, (nearly) to a man convinced of the superiority of their league over 
any other, walk to the betting booth like insular lemmings to bet against 
those wily Argentinians. Money might as well grow on trees!

If you are STILL not convinced, observe that of all the countries in the 
world, the one that has won this trophy more than any other is ARGENTINA, 
with 7 titles (out of a total of 34). If you include the Rioplatense factor 
and count Uruguay's trophies, then you have 13 out of 34. How can you beat 
those odds!!

So bet now (preferably in England or Italia), and next month, take that 
long-delayed vacation to the Caribbean (or Turin!) with your winnings,
and don't forget to send a small contribution to this email address.

[Juventus beat River Plate 1-0]